When it comes to coming, women who sleep with women have got it on lock. One study published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine looked at the relationship between sexual preference and orgasm. Researchers found that lesbians were far more likely to orgasm during sex than their hetero or bisexual female counterparts.
That’s not the only research showing that same-sex-loving women scored more orgasms. A second study published in Archives of Sexual Behavior concluded that women who sleep with men had sex about 15 times a month on average, while women who sleep with women did it roughly 10 times a month. Despite the fact that they had less sex month over month, the lesbians in the study were three times as likely to always orgasm compared to the hetero ladies.
Sure you could look at the data and decide to ditch dudes—and set yourself up for a more orgasmic sex life. But if you’re not interested in taking a dip in the lady pond, that won’t work. Instead, absorb the tips these non-hetero women want straight chicks to know about how to have better, more orgasmic action when they hit the sheets with their male partners.
Don’t stress about having an orgasm
It might sound counterintuitive, but if you want to orgasm, stop obsessing over it. “It’s so easy for me to get in my head about how long it takes me to reach an orgasm,” shares Rachel Turner, 24. “Then all I’m focused on is reaching the end point, which ruins the mood. But I’ve learned that sex is so much more than [having an orgasm]. It’s about the process of the sex, the journey. When you allow yourself to focus on the enjoyment and pleasure of each moment and touch and less on reaching that end goal, you’ll find yourself feeling much more relaxed and connected to the person you’re with.”
Focus on your breasts
Sporting sexy lingerie, getting a nipple piercing, and trying out breast-centered sex positions are just some of the ways to get your breasts and nipples (a major erogenous zone) in on the action. But sometimes giving your boobs the attention they crave is as simple as asking.
“I love having my nipples played with during both the foreplay and the sex. It’s what I need to orgasm, so I’ve learned to just ask for it,” one 26-year-old woman says. “And don’t hesitate to give a little direction about how you want them touched,” she adds. From squeezing to licking to biting to having them cupped, these are all pretty different sensations.
Rely on your c-spot
“I can’t overstate this: Clitoral stimulation is where it’s at for me! I can’t reach orgasm solely through penetration, so when I want to orgasm I’ll either touch my own clit while my partner (or a sex toy) is inside of me,” one 30-year-old woman shares. “Or I’ll ask my partner to touch my clit with her mouth, a vibrator, a hand, depending on what kind of pressure I’m craving.”
Laugh off awkward moments
Let’s admit it, sex IRL isn’t always (okay, ever) like it is in the movies. “My perspective on sex changed remarkably when someone told me, ‘if you don’t laugh at least once during sex, you’re doing it wrong’ . . . this reminds me that sex is often awkward, clumsy, and embarrassing and that’s perfectly okay,” says 23-year-old Kelsey Park Smith. “Sex doesn’t always flow; arms get tired, bodies make noises, sheets get in the way, you almost fall off the bed from time to time, and I wholeheartedly believe that there is no sexy way to take off jeans. But learning to laugh at these moments helped me take the pressure off of creating the ‘perfect’ sexual experience every time.”
Speak up about what you want
What feels good? What just feels meh? What do you need more of? Make sure your partner knows the answers to these questions, and orgasms will be easier to come by. “It’s not bossy to communicate before, during, or after sex,” says Park Smith. “You know yourself and your body better than anyone else does. If what your partner is doing isn’t working for you, tell them what does. There’s no need to feel like you have to just go along with what they’re doing or fake pleasure to avoid hurting their feelings. It’s a better experience for everyone involved if you communicate freely and honestly.”
Focus on your partner
Whether you’re having a one-time fling or doing it with a long-time partner, it’s easy to get wrapped up in the sex itself and forget about the person. That’s why one 27-year-old woman suggests this. “Be there with your partner. Say their name or look them in the eye. Don’t just enjoy the sex, enjoy the person.” Focus on their breathing, what turns them on, and the way they touch and kiss, and before you realize it, your body might be a lot closer to climax that if you were only thinking of yourself.
Hit the brakes
Most of us think about foreplay as the appetizer we rush through to the main course, which is exactly the opposite approach to take if you’re planning to reach O town. “Whether it’s your first time hooking up ever, or you’ve had too many [partners] to count, don’t forget to enjoy the process of leading up to and making your partner orgasm,” advises Karli Buckley, 24. “There’s a time and a lace for a quickie, but remember to slow down and indulge yourself in your partner’s body and let them indulge in your body, too!”
Use dirty talk
“Communication, communication, communication. It doesn’t matter if you’ve slept together one thousand times or if this is the first time. Talk! Let your partner know what you want, let them know if it isn’t working, and let them know if it is,” says 28-year-old Hanna Botney. “And take a second to tell your partner what you what to do, whether its licking, touching, penetrating, teasing, whatever. Not only is it sexy to hear this and will give you the recipe for what your partner wants in that exact moment, but it will also make you feel sexy,” she says. A few of her favorites: “I want to taste you.” “Do you want to have sex?” “I want to touch you here.”
Experiment with sex toys that don’t resemble a penis
Sure, dildos, eggplant-shaped vibrators, and strap-ons can be great. But penis-shaped toys aren’t your only option. In fat, there’s a whole world of toys out there that may be better suited to your and your partners needs and sexual identities. “I like to use sex toys to switch it up in the bedroom,” says one 32-year-old woman. “While your partner needs to be open to experimenting too, toys can be a great way to increase pleasure on both sides! If your partner isn’t jazzed about bringing a big purple cock-shaped toy into bed, try another toy: butt plugs, prostate massager, not-so-phallic vibes, whatever—there’s a huge selection of toys out there!”